In the middle of recording our Christmas episode of Misfits and Mysteries, I stumbled upon something unbelievable, the Pinocchio Cinematic Universe. Yes you read that right, the Pinocchio cinematic universe. Much like Marvel has attempted to do, whoever the hell owns the rights to Pinocchio has already achieved this great feat decades prior.
I will be forcing Emmy to watch every single one of these films with me. Needless to say there is going to be a bunch of Pinocchio content going forward. For the purposes of today, I'm just giving an overview of the rich lore that is the Pinocchio Cinematic Universe.
Disclaimer, I have not actually watched any of these films at this time, but as soon as I do I will be writing blogs about each of them and eventually create a timeline of how these films all interconnect. This is going to be quite the undertaking but I think it will be well worth it in the end. Also I will be skipping any remakes of the classic Pinocchio film because I will actually lose my sanity if I watch 10 different versions of that film in 10 different languages. By the end of this endeavor I expect nothing short of the most comprehensive well thought out cinematic universe we have ever seen.
The Golden Key (1939)
According to my research, this was the first ever Pinocchio film created by the Soviets. Based on a few screenshots it looks like a mix of live action and Emmy’s favorite thing, claymation. I have a bad feeling this is only going to be in Russian and I’m not confident there will be subtitles so this so this one is going to be an undertaking. You can watch along here.
Pinocchio (1940) Disney Film
This is the version we all know and in some cases love, or in my case hate. This is where it all starts, we all know the story Geppedophile (I mean Geppedo) really wants a little boy for himself so rather than adopting one, he asks an angel to turn one of his many life sized children marionettes into a real boy. I know it's a really weird film. I'm not a huge fan of Pinocchio, but I know way back in 1940 when Walt Disney made this film he was just world building. Every great film franchise needs to start somewhere and end in space and or the future. You can find the movie here.
The Adventures of Buratino (1959)
In Murica we know this film as Tee All New Adventures of Pinocchio. This is another Soviet rendition of Pinocchio. There appears to be some sort of wolf or maybe a velociraptor involved I'm not sure but it looks wonky. I also had no idea there was a Pinocchio cold war to accompany the actual Cold War. You can find this film here.
Pinocchio in Outer Space (1965)
In what I can only imagine must be a masterpiece, America brought us Pinocchio in Outer Space. I have no doubt in my mind that When Italian author and journalist Carlo Lorenzini sat down and wrote Pinocchio in 1881 that he fully intended the character to become a space traveler. You can find this movie here.
The Adventures of Buratino (1976)
This sounds like hell on earth. I can't wait to suffer through it. It's a musical about Pinocchio all in Russian. You can find the movie here.
Spinnolio (1977)
In 1977 the Canadian’s tried their hand at comedy and made a parody of Pinocchio, we will see if it’s actually funny. I’m going to predict that this film is probably like Thor Ragnarok where it advances the greater Pinocchio Cinematic Universe but takes a funnier approach to advancing the overall story. You can find the film here.
Pinocchio's Christmas (1980)
This is the classic Christmas special. Every great cinematic universe has one of these. For example, Star Wars, Madagascar, and Jaws, all have high quality Christmas adaptations. You can find this film here.
Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night (1987)
I did minimal research for this one but there is a character named Lieutenant Grumblebee, so you already know this movie is going to be high quality. You can watch along here
Pinocchio’s Revenge (1996)
Holy shit they turned Pinocchio into a slasher film. I refuse to do any more research I think I need to go into this one blind. You can find this wonderful film here.
Pinocchio 3000 (2004)
Honestly I didn't look at this one it looks like some children's nonsense and I think its in Italian so I'm probably not going to enjoy this one. Oh well. You can find it here.
Well I currently know nothing about the Pinocchio Cinematic Universe, but I'm excited, or I guess content not really sure we will see how this goes, to see how it all connects. More Pinocchio content is on it's way. In the mean time check out our wonderful podcast anywhere you can find podcasts.
As always, stay spooky Misfits.